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Helping Your Elderly Parents With Their Finances
Five tips to follow, even before they need your assistance

It can be difficult to begin a conversation with elderly parents about money…just as with anyone else. But, if parents or other relatives are elderly and potentially in need of assistance, it may be the right time to put personal finances in the conversation arena. It’s because one of the first things seniors seem to struggle with as they age is keeping up with personal finances. It’s best to identify and begin to deal with any financial needs with your loved ones before it’s actually a real need.

It’s a sensitive issue. Be respectful of your elderly loved ones’ privacy. Encourage discussion about what help they may want now or in the future, and how you may be able to provide such help. Consider this an opening in an ongoing conversation.

How to Help
Here are a few ways you can offer to assist, no matter what level of assistance older family members may need:

1. Assemble and Secure Key Financial Information
It’s a smart move for everyone, regardless of age, to have all their financial information in one, easy to access, place. List the names and numbers of all your various bank and investment accounts, insurance information (with policy numbers and providers), regular bills paid, any outstanding debts (such as mortgages and car payments) in one document. You should also create a list of all income sources, along with their account numbers.

If your parents make use of online financial accounts, include their passwords.

Treat this document with the care and importance it demands: Keep it in a locked, fire-resistant box. Let loved ones know where that document is, and update it regularly.

Adult children should ask their parents if they have such a document. If not, offer to help them create one. If they have one, ask to review it with them, but let them decide the level of detail they wish to share with you. (This may offer a good time to consolidate and streamline finances; having fewer accounts makes it easier for people as they get older, as well as for those assisting them.)

2. Assure Legal Documents are Current
Find out whether your parents have updated wills, living wills, and healthcare directives, and know where they are located. Make sure they each have these legal documents, as well as healthcare proxies, which allow a family member or friend to make medical decisions on their behalf if they're incapacitated. They should also have durable power of attorney (POA) documents, which give a designated person similar authority for financial decisions, if needed. These documents can easily be created through online services, but it is definitely worth paying an estate lawyer to assure they are correctly created. Incomplete or inaccurate legal documents may lead to costly problems.

3. Gauge Your Parents’ Money Management
Be alert to signs of inefficient or obvious trouble around your parents home when it comes to finances. Are there bills marked “second notice” or a stack of unopened mail? It may not be immediately clear when your parents are having financial difficulty.

You may need to slowly step in to assist, if you notice signs of financial problems. It can be difficult for parents to ask for help, or relinquish financial control to a child. Start by offering to sit down with your parents on a monthly basis as they pay their bills, following their normal routine as much as possible. If your parents are online and comfortable around a computer, help them set up automated monthly bill pay, and show them how to manage their bank and investment accounts online. Monitor their accounts if they are willing, or take over these tasks completely if they’re unable to manage on their own.

4. Alert Your Parents to Scams and Frauds
It’s a sad fact that 25 million Americans are victims of consumer fraud each year, and as older adults tend to have accumulated the most money, they are prime targets. Protect your parents by talking with them about the various types of scams — educate yourself and them, and keep current on the latest ways crooks are cheating people via some of the most common ploys:
• phone calls from someone claiming to be from the IRS or Social Security;
• anyone asking for credit card or bank information;
• investment firms with deals requiring immediate payment;
• people claiming to be calling on behalf of grandchildren who are in trouble.

It’s a good idea to have them call you if they feel even slightly suspicious of any solicitation they receive involving money.

5. Be Sensitive to Family Interactions
One of the most difficult tasks in managing your parents' money is finding the right way to negotiate the family dynamics involved. Avoid drama by encouraging your parents to make the choice about which family member they want to put in charge—and abide by that decision. Keeping siblings involved in what is going on is important. Involve them all in any important decisions. Communicate. Ask for help or offer to help as is needed.

Avoid any misunderstandings through good record keeping of any financial action you take on your parents’ behalf. Never commingle your finances with your parents’ or use their money for something you think they might allow without consulting them beforehand. Discuss all initiatives with the family.

A simple rule to follow when involved with your parents’ finances is to make certain everything you do is in your parents’ best interests. It can be a big job, but it’s a great way to show your love and care for them.

As an attorney, I’m state bar certified Eldercare Mediator and understand the dynamics with families and finances. Eldercare Mediation is growing in response to changing demographic as more and more of the responsibilities of eldercare fall upon families. Given these realities, most families will eventually be facing the kinds of challenges and stresses which can lead to conflict and create obstacles to reasoned decision-making.

If I can help you in any way, please let me know and I’m happy to serve as a trusted resource for aging families and the pastors and other professionals who work with them. My phone number is below.

Blessings to you,